just me...

What is "it"?  My life, maybe? 

 

I took a long weekend and went to spend some quality time with my son in Louisiana where he lives with his dad for the school year.

 

The first day, we had a parent-teacher conference as Cameron has been having trouble copying from the board.  Apparantly, he's got a visual discrimination problem.  Ned is taking him back to the eye doctor next week as there is a test to officially determine that he does or does not have this.

 

The funny part about the meeting was that I was taking notes, asking questions...all related to Cameron and how to help him.  His dad talked about himself the entire time and tried to monopolize the conversation.  I almost couldn't believe it.  but then again, this is Ned...he really does believe the world should give him all the attention.

 

Cameron then had a baseball game, which they lost, but Cameron got a run so he was pleased.  The team had practice Friday night...in the pouring rain.  Needless to say, i put Cameron in the bathtub the second we got back to the house.  The rain cleared in time for his game on Saturday.  And , oh lucky me, I got to sit with Ned's wife and her two daughters.  Mind you, Denise is mostly polite and her girls have always been friendly to me.  I have also learned to just let her talk and she'll pretty much spill anything.

 

So, we're sitting there and she is going on and on about how Ned is always worried about money.  I remember him being like this.  He is always worried the sky is falling.  And yet, the bills are paid, there is money in savings, food on the table and a comfortable house.  Well, he gets aftr her about getting her hair done and buying makeup and was so upset one night that he said to her, "You are just like my ex wife!".  Um, I don't care who you are, that is a horrible thing to say.  the funny part, is I never spent what she spends on hair and makeup.  I'm pretty frugal actually..even when I was married to Ned.  But seriously, I can't believe he would say something like that.  Wait...I can believe it.

 

What that conversation showed me was that in 7 years...he has not changed for the better like he claims. He is still the abusive control freak he has always been.  Not that I had ever doubted my decision to leave him, but had sometimes wondered "what if?"...especially when living on my tiny Tulane salary left me hungry most months.  After listening to Denise, I will never have that thought again. 

 

My birthday was Sunday and it was also the day for Cameron's birthday party.  Ned and Denise did one party for all three kids, since their birthdays are relatively close to one another.  I watched...along with everyone else at the party...as Ned snapped at Denise left and right.  I caught a glimpse of what my life would have been like if I had stayed with him.  It was freaky.  I saw what I probably looked like when he and I were together.

 

I felt more and more blessed to be where I am in life.  I have a son who adores me, even if he only sees me once a month, occaisional holidays and 8 weeks in the summer. Cameron knows he is loved and that I would drop everything to be with him if he asked.  I had the joy of meeting Jesse and getting to kow her before she got sick.  And, I have the kind of career that will let me leave to be with my step-daughter, son, husband, parents, etc if they are sick and/or need my help.  I have a husband who loves and respects me.  And I love and respect him.  We are honest with each other and don't need to insult each other. 

 

 

My best birthday present ever...realizing that I have a pretty great life...

 

 

 

...I hope I never take it for granted.